I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think my vagina is haunted
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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