You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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