If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
