i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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