If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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