I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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