I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
