I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
