It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
