I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
