if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
