This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
