This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
