Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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