I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
