girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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