I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
