Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
