you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
