Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
