Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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