trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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