That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
