Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
