Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
