I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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