i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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