Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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