why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
