I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
