It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
