He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
