im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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