for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
