my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
