I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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