if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
