I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
