I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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