My underwear smells like fireworks.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
