The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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