You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
