Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
