and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
