I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
