I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
