ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
