My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have already put on my inside pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
