Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
