I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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