I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
